Title: You're Joking, Right?
Author: Jinni (druscilla80@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: Not mine, all Joss'.
Distribution: My site...any site that has my stuff already...all others please ask.
Author's Note: Sorry stuff from me has been so scarce lately...the crap going on in the BTVS plotline is just doing nothing to make me want to write...plus I've been moving. Hope you all like this little baby fic I wrote :)
Feedback: Please?

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He's such a pig.

That arrogant vampire leaves his cold, half-filled mugs of blood laying everywhere! On the table, on the counter, even on the floor. I tripped over one in the living room earlier and spilled the thick congealed mess all over...

One of his t-shirts.

Thats another thing!

He leaves his dirty clothes everywhere, too! I didn't even know he owned this many different pieces of clothing! Not just t-shirts, jeans and button up shirts, too. Hell, I think I saw some sort of navy blue polo shirt and a pair of khakis the other day when I was cleaning the living room. It reminded me so much of something out of a Gap commercial I didn't stop laughing for a full five minutes. Wouldnt the underworld of the Hellmouth laugh to know that Spike, the Big Bad, half of the Scourge of Europe wears khakis and polo shirts on occaision? I should post it at the Bronze for all the fledges to see.

Except then I'm sure he'd find something equally embarassing to do to me. Like hang my bras from the railing of the apartment. Wait, he already did that. Well, he could still take naked pictures of me in the shower and post them on the index of my web page. Crap - he already did that too. Anyway. I'm sure he'd think of -some- way to get back at me. He always does.

Why in the name of the Goddess did I ever agree to share an apartment with him? Oh yeah. Because I was desperate. No where to live. Good for nothing little Soulboy finally decided to hook up with Cordelia and leave me hanging when they sold the hotel. Not just me. Wes and Gunn too. All of us with a week's notice that we needed to find another place to live. I hear that the two boys are now shacked up together...living in smutty slash-style sin.

Good for them.

But, still, stupid vampire.

Angel should count himself lucky that Spike stopped me from staking him. If he ever even knew it was going to happen, that is. He has his head so far up Delia's ass I doubt he knows what time of day it is anymore - much less the fact that I stole Spike's DeSoto and drove to LA with all intents of ending his chance for redemption. Only the bleached brat stealing some guy's motorcycle saved the jerk's life. He said I'd regret it if I killed a friend. As IF! This is worse than how Buffy acted with Riley. Its almost as bad as that obsession Angel had with Darla.

Oh yeah, she stopped by the other night.

Darla's actually pretty nice once you get past the whole queen of the evil bitch dead routine she's got going on. She threatened to turn me and show me things I've 'never dreamed about in my wettest moments', not that I mind. Spike threatens it all the time. They just like me for some reason. Want to keep me around for longer than a human's expiration date goes out.

Dru came over too. Couldn't believe that. She seems to think her and I are going to be the best of friends eventually and she may be right. Spike actually looked afraid for me when the dark haired vampiress took me aside. But there was no reason to worry. She just wanted to tell me what the stars had been telling her. Its sort of a lot to swallow, though.

I mean. Me and Spike? Together? For eternity?

Dru must've snacked on a crack addict to be sure. Because there is no way in hell I am going to spend the rest of eternity with him. I even asked her if she was joking - some weird twisted thing she thought would make me laugh. I mean, I'd rather let Darla sire me and be her love slave for the next hundred years. It would have to be better than spending an eternity with that obnoxious, arrogant, rude sonofabitch!

Thats what will probably happen, though. I've already decided I dont want to die. Not after what happened with Buffy. Not after watching her waste away from whatever illness finally did her in. We never did find out what it was - the Council had no clue and Giles never found anything to explain its cause. It took more than a month for her to finally give in to death. Riley was crushed. I was crushed. Giles....hasn't recovered still, six months later.

I dont want anyone to grieve for me like that. I want to be around to see the next millenium and to ring in the end of the world if thats what happens. I know the whole demon part should be putting me off - making me not want it. But it doesnt. Somewhere along the line, living and consorting with the undead, I stopped caring about little things like good and evil. Dying isnt a pleasant thought and its not something I want to experience.

But the whole dying issue brings me back to being Sired and the things Dru was saying. She said Spike is going to be my 'dark lover' and that we will 'make the earth bleed' - that we'll all be 'one big bloody family'. Its not that I don't believe her, she's been right too many times for me to even count. She even saved my life once, showing up out of nowhere to tear me out of the arms of a demon who wanted to eat my liver. So, if she says Spike and I are gonna be together...then I guess she's right.

The whole thought is just too disturbing, though. I mean - Spike is everything I NEVER wanted to be with. He's rude and obnoxious and just a slob in every way possible. If it weren't for me insisting we get an actual apartment he would have put us up in the first mausoleum he found. He has no clue what to do to make a woman happy.


He has no clue what to do to make a -human- woman happy. A living, breathing woman is something he is obviously out of practice at pleasing.

But demons, on the other hand....

Dru was perfectly happy with him for over a century. So obviously he knows how to make another vampire happy. The two of them loved and killed - shagged in the blood of a Slayer from what Spike told me one night. (He's so proud of that.) He always brought her presents and told her the most lovely things, from what she told me. She said he could make me happy.

She's sure he could make me happy.

I don't see how. He's so....low. I mean, if I were a heartless person I'd say he's beneath me. But I'm not like that and in some ways, he's not beneath me. Though in so many others he is.

Still. If I look at it objectively he's rather nice - for a demon. I mean - he does all the demon-type things. Hunting, killing, maiming -- though not so much as he used to. I'm sure if he had me by his side we really would make the earth bleed, as Dru said. He's even handsome when he's all 'grr' - not that I will -ever- tell him that. He'd get way too cocky.

Then there's the little things he does for me - when he's not trying to be the Big Bad. The way he holds me when I'm sad. Or even the whole apartment thing - he didn't have to volunteer to be my roommate. He certainly doesnt have to walk me anywhere when I go out at night.

But he does.

And he bought me roses on my birthday. Ok, so they were blood red and the thorns were sharp enough to cut my hand to shreds. Not to mention the actual blood in the vase, "from that chit of a salesgirl at the bloody florist". They were still roses, though, and they were more than anyone else has ever thought to give me.

Despite my better judgement I found myself staring at him last night. We were watching some horror movie, laughing at the gore and blood, and suddenly I was trying to memorize every curve of his face. Those angular cheek bones, the soft blonde of his way-too-bleached hair. And the crystalline ice blue of his eyes as they flickered with the light from the television.

Not as pretty as the gold when he's all demon-y, but still beautiful in their own, more human, way. The golden ones remind me of the predator he is, though and that just makes me.... Great, blushing at my own thoughts, glad he's in the other room, far away from teasing me. I can't stand it when he teases me, its like a little part of me dies.

Oh goddess.

I'm in love with the bleached moron.

Somewhere in between hating him I fell in love with every little thing about him. Well, except the mugs on the floor and the clothes all over the place. But everything else about him, is just perfect.

I'm gonna kiss him.

The thought enters my head almost a full minute after I stand and start walking towards his room. And though it terrifies me, I dont make any move to tear myself away from that predetermined path. Even when my hand hits his doorknob and I swing the door wide - I still keep going. Dru had the same talk with him that she did me - so maybe it won't come as a shock when...

Oh goddess, his lips are so cool and smooth. I can't believe I'm kissing him, finally. My whole body screams as if I've waited my entire life for this one moment. And, amazingly, he's kissing me back.

Ok. So maybe I wouldn't mind spending an eternity with him - but there's always Darla as a back up.